68. Jerusalem, 1999 - Trying empathy
In which Eleanor and Francois try again.
Eleanor and Francois admit their mistakes. And make future plans.
Eleanor
I sit at my desk, staring at the paperwork in front of me without really seeing it. Francois is in his office, the door open as usual. Jerry’s words echo in my mind. Show empathy. Try to understand his perspective. I take a deep breath, push my chair back and stand up. My legs feel shaky as I walk to Francois’ office. I knock gently on the doorframe.
“Francois, can we talk?”
Francois looks up from something he's writing, a flicker of surprise crossing his face before he nods. “Of course, Eleanor. Come in.”
I close the door behind me, cross the few steps to his desk and sit down, grateful for the chair. My legs feel like jelly.
“Francois, I want to apologize for how I approached our last conversation,” I begin, not quite able to look him in the eye. “I probably came across as pretty judgemental. I was too focused on the professional implications and didn’t consider what you might be going through personally.”
He adjusts his glasses, leaning back in his chair. “Go on.”
I take another deep breath. “I’ve been speaking with—a mentor,” I say, reluctant to name Jerry, “and he’s helped me realize that I was wrong to judge you for your personal life. That’s your own. I’m sorry if I came across that way.” I look down at my hands, glad Francois can’t see them trembling behind the table. “I can also see how much courage it must take for you to be yourself, especially here in the Middle East.” Am I going to make Francois madder at me by saying this? What if he thinks I’m patronizing him now?
Francois’s expression softens slightly, but he remains guarded. “Thank you for saying that, Eleanor. It means a lot.”
“But,” I continue, my hands trembling even more, “we do need to address the situation in the office. The pornography, the risk to our mission…” I look up, pleadingly. “Francois, it’s compromising everything we’re trying to achieve here. It’s not about your sexuality; it’s about the mission’s reputation and position.”
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I know. I’ll admit I made some,” he hesitates, “poor choices. I should not have brought my personal life into the office, or have put you in the position I did with Anita. I’m truly sorry about that Eleanor,” he says. It seems genuinely heartfelt. “It won’t happen again. I give you my word.”
“Thank you, Francois. I appreciate that.” I look up and give him a wan smile. I’m still exhausted. We sit in silence for a moment, the tension between us easing a little. It’s not a perfect resolution, but it’s a start.
“Can we find a way to move forward, together?” I say. “We have the Freedom Day reception coming up. We want to make it memorable. Especially as it will be your last one here.”
“Thank you for remembering that,” Francois smiles wanly back at me in turn. “Let’s talk about that later today, shall we?”
As I leave his office, I’m still shaky, but now have a glimmer of hope. Maybe we can get through the next few months with a little more equanimity in the office.
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I certainly wish that all conflicts would be resolved with mutual understanding, the way this was resolved between Eleanor and Francois!